My Music

Okay I just pasted a link here as a test...but before you even bother to watch it, I made sure to post the best thing I could find....well maybe not literally defined as the 'best', because musical taste varies of course...so, maybe the best musical performance I have seen on video that captures the idea of great music...
A few days ago I had asked a dear friend, if you could really be a 'star', would you rather be a singer with a wonderful voice, or a musician who could play an instrument incredibly?...
Me, I think I would always choose to be a musician who could play an instrument, I'm a relatively shy type, and as much as I admire incredible singers and their charisma on stage...I admire incredible playing....
I played the trumpet in school and learned to read music and all of that...but I could only read the notes, whatever ear for music ended at my wrists. I could play the notes, but I couldn't play the actual music as it should have been played. Like a nerdy kid who couldn't dance...but really wanted to.
I love music, and I can hear it, but like a monkey in a cage who reaches out for a greater thing, the ability to play a musical instrument is a technical and artistic skill that I can only reach for that way...I've tried. I bought an inexpensive acoustic guitar in the 80's with the hope of learning how to play it, but it was the same thing...I could only play notes in a rudimentary way. A guy I worked with at the time could play really well, and one day he was over, and picked it up and made the thing sing.
It's mathematical, he said, to play music...hmmm, well he was a programmer so that made sense. He also added that he couldn't draw a stick figure, and wondered how I was able to draw things. I told him I didn't really know, it just seemed natural.
So it's probably the same thing. And the appreciation of music or art is not limited to one's ability, that's for sure...I wasn't great at math, but I do love music. I understand every note, I HEAR every note and every word of every song I've ever liked...
One interesting similarity is that I like detail, technical detail, the more intricate pieces the better, both in art and music. But definitely not limited to that, there is nothing like a good song, in melody or lyrics...And I have enjoyed a myriad of of musical genres, all except hip-hop I guess, and for a while there I didn't like Country too much, until I started listening to some of the songs, now I appreciate that music very much...I also like classical music, 'Claire de Lune' by DeBussy is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard...but most of all I'm a 'classic rock' guy...I was into the rock thing in the 70's, sure...but I liked the bands who could *really* play.
Bands like Yes, Genesis, Rush, ELP, Jethro Tull, whose members were usually trained in classical music...In other words, bands who pushed the limits beyond typical 4x4 Rock n' Roll, and had the the ability to play their instruments creatively, and exceptionally well.
And I wish I could play...
Hopefully this will link, but this is Rick Wakeman, the keyboard player in the band Yes...incredible....this is the kind of playing that I'm drawn to...
If you do watch, you may find it bombastic or long-winded or whatever, many do...but I enjoy hearing every note of this one...and, like a primate, I sit amazed...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-hJlbbtSlQ

Safeway II (Away From the Sun)

In my entire two or three months of grocery store experience, ha...The most striking and adventuresome has been working on the Night Crew, that is, working from 10 PM to 7 AM...the graveyard shift...and I have done it with the appropriate enthusiasm that goes with any new job when you first start. But then other factors start to kick in, even after two weeks of graveyard...like personal life, and quite frankly, the upside-down nature of personal happiness.
At first I didn't mind too much and found it quite fascinating how a grocery store actually operates; Like the items we see on the shelves every day...fresh...and just the everyday fact that we have gone to these places all our lives, and cruise up and down these aisles of plenty, with a minimum of thought as to how those things get there...
And there are those who can't do that...and I'll be the first to admit that, while I can whine on a computer about my own issues, when many in the world can't even fathom going into a grocery store, they go hungry....in my constant reverie I try never to forget that...
Well, as for the food, they come by semi-trucks at 3 to 4 in the morning from distribution centers, up here it's from Davis, California...It takes about 15 minutes for the truck to actually manuver in to the loading bay....and they're filled with wooden palletes of boxes, and in those boxes are the cereals and pastas and sauces and paper towels and everything else we see on those grocery shelves...
And then I stock them...It's an art ;o)
If ever you see a neatly stocked shelf, maybe that was me...
But this is not what I did, nor what I would choose, I'm only doing this because I couldn't find a job as an artist, because that's what I did and who I am...or still trying to (that's another blog)...
It almost seems like another life back then in the 90's when I WAS an artist...and to be honest, it was a better life...I was Golden at one time.
But I have gone through enough self-admonition and experienced the indignities of those consequences...You may have read before about the 'raft' scenario...or you may have read about the 'praying' one...where, in any event, if there was just one part of my own soul where the spirit of survival, or even the common sense of goodness risides, it may have listened...
And now I found myself at 3:30 in the morning, stocking pasta in an aisle with only contemplation...I can see certain labels with pictures, and it reminds me of old vacations my parents took, bless them...
I see certain boxes of cereal that I'm amazed are still around, like Kix...
I see Nestle's Quik Chocolate Mix, and it reminds me of when, as a kid, I would eat it by the spoon without milk, and my teeth would turn brown...
But mostly it's the Music coming over the PA that keeps me sane...but sometimes melancholy...there's one song..."Away From the Sun" by 3 Doors Down that really sets me off...but it makes me remember not to be far 'from the arms of the ones I need'...and also as a reminder...
"you got a talent, Joey...don't waste it"

Illustration Friday: Ghost

ghost
Originally uploaded by Olias444.

They say the ghost of Joan of Arc haunts Rouen Cathedral. I added her image to this old drawing. See if you can spot her. (No, this isn't one of those 'jump out at you' images ;o)

March, 1964, Santa Cruz, California

Little Danny had still been fascinated by what he saw on the black and white Emerson tv...like when the Beatles first appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show...Meanwhile big Dan had plans...after investing in a real estate venture, he hooked up with a guy who had a bigger deal, "why not invest in a Bar! a Nightclub! it'll be the biggest hotspot in San Jose!"
Needless to say, Sally was against the whole idea, but Dan pressed ahead, with an investment of money and time. And soon...."Zamora's Quiet Village" opened in downtown San Jose. It was to be a restaurant/bar with live music and it thrived...but only for awhile. Downtown San Jose at that time had become a run down place in the 60's. And this venture may have worked 10 years before, but then...Not for long...But it was fun for a while, little Danny would come in during the day and marvel at the musical instruments up on the small stage. "Be very careful with those, son" Bob would say...he was a talented piano player and singer, Danny remembered.
Dan and Sally even went on a two-week cruise to Hawaii with Bob and his wife in the summer of '63...
When it became clear to Dan that Bob Zamora was skimming some of the money, and that he was avoiding taxes and it all became quite shady, Dan opted out...
Bob Zamora was more than helpful, "Well, I have a cabin property up in the Santa Cruz mountains, I'll sell it to you cheap..."
So that's how Dan became the owner of 'The Cabin', right above Felton, California....on a country road in the hills above Santa Cruz.
Dan took to that place as though it was his second child...He went up there every weekend to fix the roof, the plumbing, the joists in the back porch, the decks, replace all the light fixtures....it seemed that this was his new 'project' and of course his wife Sally and little Danny were pressed into helping...and of course they went along...
It wasn't a bad time...They had themselves a Cabin in the woods! And Dan's brother Joe, and his brothers-in-law Joe and Bob (not THAT Bob...Sally's brother Bob) often came up and helped out, they seemed to enjoy the outing, helping with the deck or whatever and then enjoying beers afterwards.
Danny remembered when it was 'quitting time' Joe would say, "who ready for a beer?" and then Dan would say, "Danny, go gather up the tools and put them away, and when you're done with that, sweep the deck over there...then you're done."
And Joe would say to his son, "And you go help him, mister! On the double!"
Once in a while, Bob's son Bobby would come up and help...he was older, a teenager then, and Dan would pay him 10 or 20 bucks after the day. Danny once had the nerve to ask, "why do you pay Bobby and not me?"
"Because Bobby doesn't have to be here, YOU DO!" so that was that...
Though it was a functional house with proper utilities and appliances, it was well enough nestled in the Santa Cruz Mountains to qualify as a 'cabin'...and then oh my...the barbeques and parties Dan and Sally held there.
Many weekends were spent at the cabin, and sometimes, much to Danny's and his cousin's excitement, they would go into Santa Cruz and go on the rides at the Boardwalk.
That was in the 60's when other cabins on that road were owned by retirees. Nearly every cabin on that small steep road had a sign with the owner's names; the Evans' place...the Lichti's...the Brook's....but then they eventually started selling their properties....
One weekend in 1967, a new road sign appeared...the Hughletts...but it was a psychadelic sign...the Hippies started moving in!...

The Wizard of Oz

p_emerald_01
Originally uploaded by Olias444.

Everyone must know this timeless classic. It used to play around March on tv when I was a kid....I have a vague memory of Danny Kaye hosting the presentation while my older cousin Joanne made sure everybody kept quiet while we watched the movie....It was a yearly event....
Recently my dear friend had her computer repaired, it basically got a new Brain, and we thought of the Scarecrow, which made me think of the Wizard of Oz...
Since then, in the age of Videotapes, DVD's, on-demand pay-per-view, what have you...the Wizard of Oz can be seen at anyone's convenience at any time, which takes away a bit of that yearly magic...
But be that as it may...there is a certain magic that I noticed in the movie itself, in the story itself...
Dorothy, The Scarecrow, The Tin Man, The Lion, and even the Wizard Himself were searching....searching for something....just to be complete, to be whole, to feel as though their lives were somehow complete...
Dorothy - A lonely girl, stuck on a farm in Kansas who runs away, when, her dog Toto finally comes back, her only link to love and affection (her aunt and uncle are emotionally distant)...her only choice is for her and Toto to get out of there...
The Scarecrow - All through, he wants a brain, but it is He who comes up with all the bright ideas, like when he knows how to get apples, or comes up with the plan to storm the witch's castle, or sees how to cut the rope, thereby subduing the castle guards...
The Tin Man - He needed a heart....Though he was the most empathetic and kindest characters all along, always crying at the most inconvenient time, but never crying for himself, only for the welfare of others...
The Cowardly Lion - A Bully at first, with much bravado, until Dorothy slapped him on the nose, and then he cries and admits his cowardice...he only wanted Courage...
But later on, after Dorothy was captured.."Okay..okay...I'll do it for Dorothy! I don't care if I get killed!"....
Then all three of them take out the guards....
And then they finally meet the Wizard, and all their initial fears come back again...until the Man Behind the Curtain is revealed.
It is then, that this Wizard is only a carnival barker who got lost himself, but has the wisdom to recognize that our heroes had these things all along...
The Scarecrow was always smart.
The Tin Man always had a heart.
The Lion was always brave.
Dorothy always had a home.
That black and white bit at the end always gets to me...
"There's no place like home"

Soundtrack of our Lives

tapes
Originally uploaded by Olias444.

The other day I was digging around the garage and found a box of old cassette tapes. It was like finding an old photo album filled with memories, only these are audio memories. Some of the tapes are over 25 years old, but I remember playing them over and over back then.
So, for the past few days I've been playing these old tapes, some of course are in poor condition, but the sound does come through, and when it does, it takes me back to whater time that was. Many people have similar experiences when they hear their old songs, like their own personal albums. Right now I was playing an old Montrose tape, and it reminded me of the old days in Chico, when I was in school. That was a 'party' tape...but inversely, most days back then were not invovlved with partying, but with many hours in class, or in the library with my nose in a book, and on the walk home, with my Walkman, I would play Jethro Tull's 'Songs From the Wood'...that tape was in there too...Obscure tapes like Patrick Moraz, or famous tapes like Hotel California, they're in there...and each one brings back not only the era, but specific moments in time, like the Genesis tape 'Wind and Wuthering' that makes me think of driving through Bidwell park and passing a certain old tree...or the Doobie Brothers 'Minute by Minute' that makes me think of A's games in the 70's and 80's before the game, when the players are warming up...or The Clash "London Calling" makes me think of playing backgammon on the floor of our house in Chico...
I found a tape by the 80's band The Babys. 'Head First' and that brought me back to my first job at North Star Computers, how funny it was to think of the things that concerned me then...I used to worry about trivial things, like what shirt to wear the next day, that the color might match the boss' shirt, and would he think I was copying him...or would I get home in time to catch my favorite MTV video...
Other tapes I found from the 90's...how I got into Frank, Sammy, and Dino, and Big Band...what a good time that was, though I didn't realize it then...I sure do now....
One tape from Bruce Hornsby I remember playing in the car and my dad asked, "is that Chicago?" because that one song, 'Look Out any Window' does sound like them...He loved Chicago, and I had always planned to get tickets whenever they played in Tahoe or Vegas where they ended up, and then he would finally get to see them...but we never made it.
When hearing that song again, I imagine us there in a theater in a nice booth watching the show, though it never happened in real life...in my imagination we were there...we'll always be there...

Illustration Friday: Smitten

ROBOTWIN
Originally uploaded by Olias444.

Okay let's try flickr again...
These robotic hands are actually real prototypes, Though they haven't gotten together yet, they would probably be smitten with each other.

Grand Parade pahhh!

pax39
Originally uploaded by Olias444.

I just lost two hours worth of posting on here, God Damn it!!!....okay let me summarize....there's a ton of cereals, etc...that need to be stocked, there's a ton of food that everyone expects, appreciates, and a ton of trucks that come in at 3 AM....I work my butt off from 2 to 4...I stock the shelves from 4 to 7....in those times I miss my old life, I appreciate my friends, my family ...there's songs playing on the PR that make me think of the most obscure things...that's it...excuse my frustration but nobody reads this crap anyway.

The Grand Parade

tic711
Originally uploaded by Olias444.

My experience so far at Safeway has been a mix of genuine drudgery and also one of utter astonishment. The drudgery part, of course, has been the actual work involved there. So far I've worked in the produce section, checker, courtesy clerk which really means bagboy/grocery cart getter....In one sense this work can be decribed as demeaning, 'beneath' what I normally did...and that's true enough, but so far I see it as cathartic, almost a 'tough love' thing on myself, that I can still get up and go to work and do a job like every other normal person, since I spent the last five years in a state of self imposed limbo....
Though I think this catharsis can only last so long, since I'm now on the night shift, from 10 PM to 7 AM...it's a bit of an adventure in itself, and in those wee hours of the night I stock things like cereal, and items I haven't seen since I was a kid. "oh wow, they still have these?"
But most of all, left alone in the aisle to think, my mind goes on overdrive, mostly recycling old memories, not unlike a computer with endless files that you haven't seen in decades. Kellog Corn Pops triggered only the first of these memories, how I loved them but only ate them a few times....I will list others soon. My contemplation of God and the universe was another one, though I thought I'd make its own blog, the previous one....stay tuned for my endless mind...

And God said....

In a previous post, I mentioned a prayer I had offered up, and God answered, "okay you want a job? okay be prepared to work your ass off..."
And so I have, but it got me to thinking about prayer itself...was that God Himself answering a prayer? or was it just myself...the part of one's soul that seeks to carry on in spite of one's sense of self-doubt and all that represents...and what part is that who answers? The part of the soul where God resides? Is God an old man with a beard sitting on a throne somewhere up in Heaven, or is it the concept of God as a certain spirit that resides in us all, so that, in our darkest hours we pray, no matter how we perceive Him, we pray for the best?...whether it's for good fortune, for the benefit of others, for selfish reasons or altruism...or as Abraham Lincoln said, the "Angels of our better selves"?

I don't know if praying works or not, but somehow I think it does...
Anyway, this is my favorite story about God...it goes like this;

There once was a man who lived by a river. It was a wonderful house with a great view, and the man was prosperous in life. But the river had its dangers, it flooded over the years, but the man didn't concern himself with that, he had a good life. And he thanked God regularly for all the good things he had.
One year it rained hard, and the river began to rise. It became clear that the river was going to flood. His neighbors began to leave for higher ground, and they would come by his house,
"You should leave soon! The river is going to flood!"
"No!" he said, "I have have trust in God, and He will save me..."
Soon, the river got higher, one last neighbor with a team of horses came by,
"You really need to leave, I got these horses and we can carry your valuables to higher ground! Come with us now!"
And again, the man refused, "No, I have prayed and God will save me..."
The river got higher still, then the water engulfed the man's house and he had to climb onto the roof, but still, he had faith that God would save him.
Finally a man in a rowboat came swiftly by, "Please! jump in the boat! it's your last chance before the river floods everything!"
But the man still said no.
And so, the river overwhelmed the man's house, and he drowned.
When he got to heaven, he was angry with God.
"Why didn't you listen to my prayers? I had always been a good man, why didn't you answer me?"
And God said,
"I sent you the neighbors, I sent you the horses, I sent you the boat...why didn't you believe in ME?"

Illustration Friday: Trouble

HAM1
Originally uploaded by Olias444.

It's been awhile since I've posted on I.F....but I remembered this sketch of some 'Hovertanks' I did when I worked at Ultimation, a game company. They had to take care of some trouble on their Mars base.