In the Middle of the Night

In the middle of the night, most people are asleep...that's where I'd like to be...and, remembering where I used to be, in bed...I remember my thoughts, my fears in the middle of the night...
But now, I am up all night, and all of those thoughts and fears hit me....and they hit me hard.
I think that I have somehow redeemed myself, as far as being lazy, oh no...oh hell no, I have been working my ass off, like never before...
Here's the thing...in the middle of the night, those fears that used to hit me in bed...they hit me full throttle when I sit there stocking shelves.
I'm left alone with my stupid mind...A ton of memories, a ton of idiodic things...A ton of memories that only I know about, and nobody in the world will ever know...or care about.
Sometimes I think that I'm going quite insane, it's as though a thousand TV channels are going through my brain, and I try to change the channel and organize them, and yet....I turn them off and I can't get past this fact...
Anyway...In the middle of the night I asked myself a really big question....When you got laid off back then, did that make you a loser?...or did that expose you as one?
Oh man