George Bailey
Does the name George Bailey ring a bell to you? He was a man who received a great gift. He was visited by a Guardian Angel.
George was a good man, a good guy to know...but then trouble came upon him, and he had nowhere to turn...
"Dear Lord, if you're up there...look, I'm not a praying man, but if you're up there, I need you to listen, please....I'm at the end of my rope. I'm not asking for nothin' except...show me the way...please....just show me the way."
That of course was the George Bailey character played by Jimmy Stewart in the movie "It's A Wonderful Life."
That one scene always gets the ball rolling for me emotionally, as do other scenes there...
well, especially lately...
I can relate to the George Bailey character in a unique way, in that I too have received a gift. Though mine came in a strange package, like a Trojan Horse. My gift was an insight I didn't even know existed, because I never paid attention. Or more precisely, I was never AWAKE to pay attention...
As I mentioned earlier, I stay up all night at work, usually by myself in a grocery aisle with a whirlwind of thoughts. My deepest concerns and insecurities have always come in the middle of the night, but I was always in bed, half asleep between dreams, and then they would pass and I'd fall asleep again.
But now, interestingly, those thoughts and concerns still come at the same time (you could set your watch to it!) but this time I'm wide awake, and they are much more vivid. Like a rushing river that can change at regular intervals, yeah..and its cool.. but sometimes they come in torrents, like boxes falling out of a truck...and I become worried and concerned and afraid and lonely there in the aisle....okay, well boo hoo.
I think the human brain is very much like a computer, though not totally, I'm just referring to the memory part....As a computer has files and folders that are long forgotten or unused, or even deleted...they're still in there, all it takes is a certain catalyst...and then bam!
My catalyst is those waking hours at night.
Sometimes I think I need a good psychiatrist...at least to assist me in navigating the torrents of thoughts, emotions, memories, and myriads of trivia that never ends...conversations that ocurred back in 1972 that mean absolutely nothing, episodes of old tv shows.....oh man, I could go on and on....
Well, now then, back to George Bailey...in the movie, he was despondent....and his gift was a Guardian Angel, 'Clarence' who showed George what his life would be like had he never lived (well, we all know the movie)...George was despondent because he felt his life no longer mattered, and no one would care...but that was never true...George had friends!
When I see that scene at the end, well....sorry, I still lose it...(Why can't I be like George!) I rage to no one but myself.
Well. here's where MY gift comes in...In my torrent of thoughts, think I can Chart them!...not navigate them, but chart them, much like a meteorologist can chart the weather. He can't predict it, he can't say where a certain drop of rain will fall during a hurricane, but he can chart the path....
And I can at least chart how I feel...
I can chart the basic emotions...
I can chart Anger...that's an emotion that everyone has, but I try to discard it, it's a very corrosive feeling, And...like like 'worry' it doesn't really change anything.
I can chart Fear...same thing...
oh...
But I CAN chart Grief...oh yeah I can chart that one,
You see...I grieve...I think I carry a certain sadness that I never recognize in daily life, but it carries on at night, and all those emotions and mental circumstances that come in the middle of the night. It often plagues me.
I miss my life...I miss my Dad (can you hear me up there?) And then I wonder, do we
all carry on in this way? do we carry a kind of grief that we wont acknowledge or admit?
Maybe we all do...
Whenever I see a blind person, or someone in a wheelchair....I feel foolish and selfish for even thinking of myself, and my own stupid problems.
George Bailey...
he had a great gift, he had a guardian angel to come down and show him things...
Me...I have guardian angels too....
and those would be my friends...and I love them.
George was a good man, a good guy to know...but then trouble came upon him, and he had nowhere to turn...
"Dear Lord, if you're up there...look, I'm not a praying man, but if you're up there, I need you to listen, please....I'm at the end of my rope. I'm not asking for nothin' except...show me the way...please....just show me the way."
That of course was the George Bailey character played by Jimmy Stewart in the movie "It's A Wonderful Life."
That one scene always gets the ball rolling for me emotionally, as do other scenes there...
well, especially lately...
I can relate to the George Bailey character in a unique way, in that I too have received a gift. Though mine came in a strange package, like a Trojan Horse. My gift was an insight I didn't even know existed, because I never paid attention. Or more precisely, I was never AWAKE to pay attention...
As I mentioned earlier, I stay up all night at work, usually by myself in a grocery aisle with a whirlwind of thoughts. My deepest concerns and insecurities have always come in the middle of the night, but I was always in bed, half asleep between dreams, and then they would pass and I'd fall asleep again.
But now, interestingly, those thoughts and concerns still come at the same time (you could set your watch to it!) but this time I'm wide awake, and they are much more vivid. Like a rushing river that can change at regular intervals, yeah..and its cool.. but sometimes they come in torrents, like boxes falling out of a truck...and I become worried and concerned and afraid and lonely there in the aisle....okay, well boo hoo.
I think the human brain is very much like a computer, though not totally, I'm just referring to the memory part....As a computer has files and folders that are long forgotten or unused, or even deleted...they're still in there, all it takes is a certain catalyst...and then bam!
My catalyst is those waking hours at night.
Sometimes I think I need a good psychiatrist...at least to assist me in navigating the torrents of thoughts, emotions, memories, and myriads of trivia that never ends...conversations that ocurred back in 1972 that mean absolutely nothing, episodes of old tv shows.....oh man, I could go on and on....
Well, now then, back to George Bailey...in the movie, he was despondent....and his gift was a Guardian Angel, 'Clarence' who showed George what his life would be like had he never lived (well, we all know the movie)...George was despondent because he felt his life no longer mattered, and no one would care...but that was never true...George had friends!
When I see that scene at the end, well....sorry, I still lose it...(Why can't I be like George!) I rage to no one but myself.
Well. here's where MY gift comes in...In my torrent of thoughts, think I can Chart them!...not navigate them, but chart them, much like a meteorologist can chart the weather. He can't predict it, he can't say where a certain drop of rain will fall during a hurricane, but he can chart the path....
And I can at least chart how I feel...
I can chart the basic emotions...
I can chart Anger...that's an emotion that everyone has, but I try to discard it, it's a very corrosive feeling, And...like like 'worry' it doesn't really change anything.
I can chart Fear...same thing...
oh...
But I CAN chart Grief...oh yeah I can chart that one,
You see...I grieve...I think I carry a certain sadness that I never recognize in daily life, but it carries on at night, and all those emotions and mental circumstances that come in the middle of the night. It often plagues me.
I miss my life...I miss my Dad (can you hear me up there?) And then I wonder, do we
all carry on in this way? do we carry a kind of grief that we wont acknowledge or admit?
Maybe we all do...
Whenever I see a blind person, or someone in a wheelchair....I feel foolish and selfish for even thinking of myself, and my own stupid problems.
George Bailey...
he had a great gift, he had a guardian angel to come down and show him things...
Me...I have guardian angels too....
and those would be my friends...and I love them.
posted by Olias at 9:18 AM
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