The Bravery of Being Out of Range

There are two kinds of 'Bravery Being Out of Range' (thanks Roger Waters for the title).....There's the false bravery of Knowing you're out of range, in any situation...and then there's the situations where you're in the middle of everything, but still have the capability to stay out of range, if that makes any sense....
All my life I have had this capability of being out of range...out of range of emotion, out of range of friends getting too close, out of range of family...it is a lonely place, but not too lonely, because I do have a handfull of truly good friends and family who I love dearly, and that is real....but they will never know about my 'sleeping inside the dishwasher' thing, (as from a previous blog)...
I am out of range...I don't know how to precisely describe it....it's like being in a room full of people, and you meet and greet everyone with a definite charm and friendliness, but you're not quite all there....they will never know 'me' deep down, nor would I expect them to, probably because I don't know how to let them go there.
'Bravery?' well maybe not, but I wouldn't want this on anyone....
Ohhh, it's not quite as bad as it all sounds, I'm just noticing this in myself lately, especially in the past few years, where I have been stripped down, and must realize these things about myself....others might too, under similar circumstances.....It takes a certain bravery to be out of range, and in this, I do take a certain pride....
Many people are out of range....and many don't even know it...and end up as sociopaths and nutcases....
But I can assure you I'm still as sane anyone else! I think!